How to ruin people's weddings with a face.

Andy and Ruth, I am so sorry that your wedding album had been ruined by my face.

This is one of those times where I thought I looked great. Obviously I was wrong, or drunk.
What happened is that me and Rosie started dancing and it jsut made me all warm and melty. Even my hair was melting. Also I was wearing a dress that my flatmate had made that afternoon and it was made of plastic fabric. It was also beautiful and is one of my favourite dresses. To conclude then I was really sweaty.

The bad quality ones are from a disposable camera.
How cme it is just me that's a mong? Rosie was dancing too.

This is just disgusting. See Tracey talking to Rosie in the background? She's saying 'I bet Celia looks like a paedophile in this photo!' And she's right. Though my dress is brilliant.

I don't even know how this photo came about. I don't remember posing for it. I was probably just sat there melting. I look like an advert for keeping the window open a bit when you leave your dog in the car on a hot day.
Rosie is so clean and pretty looking. I've got hair like someone in Slade and three edges to my face.

How to ruin stranger's memories with a face.

Through my job I get to meet a lot of high profile celebrities. Just a few weeks ago I got to meet DANNY WALLACE. I was supposed to stand behind him, out of the way, and sell his books to people. Unfortunately I wasn't out of the way enough for one poor lady. This woman had queued up for over an hour to meet her hero, waited patiently to get a photo taken put it up proudly on facebook and then realised to her horror that I was in the corner. I only found out about this through my friend Big Tall Ali who happens to know both me and the poor stranger. To the stranger, I am so sorry and to any other Danny Wallace fans who have found a monster in the background of their photos- I can only offer sincere apologies.


When Danny was leaving he turned to me and said 'Thanks for you help' and I said ' That's ok. Thanks for letting me stand next to you!' ( I said this because I am a moron. A total moron.) And then Danny said 'Bless you'.

It says it all really. 'Bless you'.

Strangest boobs ever

This photo is from the same holiday as the cameltoe incident, you can tell because I'm wearing the same shorts but this time in black. My face is just angry in this picture but it's my boob that makes this so horrific. What is going on there? By the way that's my Dad so we can cross out genetics as the answer.
I know it isn't that interesting, especially compared to some of the other photos here. But it just looks a little odd. Like it's been stuck on there and in the wrong place.

Sometimes there are explanations!

YES! I finally have a reason as to why I look so retarded in a photo. This day I had had a horrible accident at work when an industrial cage filled with milk fell off an escalator (don't ask) onto my leg and I was broken. But because I had a gig that night I couldn't ask to go home from work early so had to walk on it all day and then do a gig with a rollerblade shoe on instead of an actual shoe becasue my foot was so swollen.

You can see the pain, the actual pain, if you look in my eyes.

The one night I looked amazing

I have had many years to come to terms with my face and the power it holds. Sometimes I know that I look quite beautiful to human eyes but through the camera I look like a total creepy freak. This is one of those times. Can I just say that this is me just trying to smile. Just smile. Nothing fancy. Just smiling.

skanky ass tongue

I think a big part of my photo problem is that I have no sense of time. When others are smiling at the camera I'm only just realising there is a camera there. This next photo I was trying to do that tongue thing that people in KISS do. Or something. I'm really not as cool as all these photos suggest. But it just looks like I can't control my tongue. Which is probably true anyway.



I like that hat though.

The thumb woman

Ok. So this really is the worst photo of me out there. I really can't think of any worse face. I mean, compared to this paedophile at the sundial (see a day out in the country) is nothing, just nothing.

I'm glad I'm able to share this photo with you.

Just if you were wondering I'm the one on the right with a big fat thumb for a face. What's that thing between my body and my chin? OH it is my neck. My giant neck.

Though I should count myself lucky because my fiend Frew found this bad boy online and I think he looks worse than I do. Maybe. Yes.




Thumb boy. I wish he was my boyfriend because then I would look so much better in photos. I might even look beautiful in comparison.


And thanks to Annie for making it happen...