How to ruin people's weddings with a face.

Andy and Ruth, I am so sorry that your wedding album had been ruined by my face.

This is one of those times where I thought I looked great. Obviously I was wrong, or drunk.
What happened is that me and Rosie started dancing and it jsut made me all warm and melty. Even my hair was melting. Also I was wearing a dress that my flatmate had made that afternoon and it was made of plastic fabric. It was also beautiful and is one of my favourite dresses. To conclude then I was really sweaty.

The bad quality ones are from a disposable camera.
How cme it is just me that's a mong? Rosie was dancing too.

This is just disgusting. See Tracey talking to Rosie in the background? She's saying 'I bet Celia looks like a paedophile in this photo!' And she's right. Though my dress is brilliant.

I don't even know how this photo came about. I don't remember posing for it. I was probably just sat there melting. I look like an advert for keeping the window open a bit when you leave your dog in the car on a hot day.
Rosie is so clean and pretty looking. I've got hair like someone in Slade and three edges to my face.

How to ruin stranger's memories with a face.

Through my job I get to meet a lot of high profile celebrities. Just a few weeks ago I got to meet DANNY WALLACE. I was supposed to stand behind him, out of the way, and sell his books to people. Unfortunately I wasn't out of the way enough for one poor lady. This woman had queued up for over an hour to meet her hero, waited patiently to get a photo taken put it up proudly on facebook and then realised to her horror that I was in the corner. I only found out about this through my friend Big Tall Ali who happens to know both me and the poor stranger. To the stranger, I am so sorry and to any other Danny Wallace fans who have found a monster in the background of their photos- I can only offer sincere apologies.


When Danny was leaving he turned to me and said 'Thanks for you help' and I said ' That's ok. Thanks for letting me stand next to you!' ( I said this because I am a moron. A total moron.) And then Danny said 'Bless you'.

It says it all really. 'Bless you'.

Strangest boobs ever

This photo is from the same holiday as the cameltoe incident, you can tell because I'm wearing the same shorts but this time in black. My face is just angry in this picture but it's my boob that makes this so horrific. What is going on there? By the way that's my Dad so we can cross out genetics as the answer.
I know it isn't that interesting, especially compared to some of the other photos here. But it just looks a little odd. Like it's been stuck on there and in the wrong place.

Sometimes there are explanations!

YES! I finally have a reason as to why I look so retarded in a photo. This day I had had a horrible accident at work when an industrial cage filled with milk fell off an escalator (don't ask) onto my leg and I was broken. But because I had a gig that night I couldn't ask to go home from work early so had to walk on it all day and then do a gig with a rollerblade shoe on instead of an actual shoe becasue my foot was so swollen.

You can see the pain, the actual pain, if you look in my eyes.

The one night I looked amazing

I have had many years to come to terms with my face and the power it holds. Sometimes I know that I look quite beautiful to human eyes but through the camera I look like a total creepy freak. This is one of those times. Can I just say that this is me just trying to smile. Just smile. Nothing fancy. Just smiling.

skanky ass tongue

I think a big part of my photo problem is that I have no sense of time. When others are smiling at the camera I'm only just realising there is a camera there. This next photo I was trying to do that tongue thing that people in KISS do. Or something. I'm really not as cool as all these photos suggest. But it just looks like I can't control my tongue. Which is probably true anyway.



I like that hat though.

The thumb woman

Ok. So this really is the worst photo of me out there. I really can't think of any worse face. I mean, compared to this paedophile at the sundial (see a day out in the country) is nothing, just nothing.

I'm glad I'm able to share this photo with you.

Just if you were wondering I'm the one on the right with a big fat thumb for a face. What's that thing between my body and my chin? OH it is my neck. My giant neck.

Though I should count myself lucky because my fiend Frew found this bad boy online and I think he looks worse than I do. Maybe. Yes.




Thumb boy. I wish he was my boyfriend because then I would look so much better in photos. I might even look beautiful in comparison.


And thanks to Annie for making it happen...

a day out in the country.

A very long time ago I read Heather Mills' autobiography 'Out on a Limb'. One part that really stuck with me all this time was when she was discussing the idea of fate. Her mother had been in a car crash and had badly injured her leg, later on in life Heather herself, whilst in a war torn, land mine strewn area, had seen a leg on the ground, later on again she lost her own leg in a traffic accident. Heather was pondering the idea of lightning striking not once, nor twice but THREE times (becasue of all the leg things). Wow.

I am reminded of it as I introduce the next UPOM, entitled 'A Day Out In The Country'. The next series of pictures come from a day out in the country I spent with my parents long ago. Whilst flicking through my album found a photo taken years before, where, as a family, my family had been photographed on a day out in the country. I was taken aback as I searched the photograph. Not only was I looking alright in this picture but there was a paedophile in the background.
This is extremly interesting as in the later photographs I myself look like a Paedophile. Anyway see for your own eyes.

A nice family day out (part downs syndrome)

OH LOOK IN THE BUSHES...
a childcatcher.


A nice family day out in the country
(only a bit spazzed out)

As the fun wears on my face wears off.

OH LOOK AT THE SUNDAIL...
a child time catcher.



Seriously. Way to molest the kids Celie.
And for the cheap seats in the back...

I am so fricking beautiful

A lot of the time it is the angle that is key. A lot of the time the fact I have a monster face ruins the shot. Here is a mixture of the two. Have a look for yourself, was this the model or the photographer?

Or option three, was it a hideous jumper? Or a pillow made of vodka bottles? Or bleugh.

c-a-m-e-l t-o-e

My mum calls it camel hoof. Some call it other things like that. I call it an ugly photo of me. I call it- live it, breathe it, been there.

So I don't know why it was but this holiday brought out the UGLY in me. I think it may have been the fact that my mum purchased these ace shorts for me instead of ones which, for example, don't envelope my crotch but it is probably just the old face thing seeping into the rest of my body.
Just for those who care here is a close up.


Nast tastic. And here is my face. Just as cool as ever.

I think I can look back on all my ugly pictures with pride, though some of the wounds are deep, and this is one of my favourites. So subtle and calming. So ugly. So very ugly.

How it all began...

I haven't always been a hideous monster. When I was very young I was an angel. Look at me in this photograph. I was beautiful. Look at me wearing too big wellies and a little straight jacket dress. How cute!



At some stage, I have yet to pin point the exact time and date, the camera started to hate me. No matter what I did. Where I went. What face I made. Nothing would make the camera love me.

How can a child go from that beautiful creature to this crazed monster in just a few years?

Picture of me looking ugly 1...
We have been on a long journey together, me and my face, but sometimes I do despair of it. Somedays I wish for a normal photogenic face but alas.

UGLY PHOTOS OF ME

Hi ugly face followers. I've just invented a new blog. It's called 'UGLY PHOTOS OF ME' (UPOM). It has been made to showcase the many many many photos of my face that are repulsive. There really isn't that much more to it. Seriously. If you have any disgusting photos of my face anywhere in your collection I would really like to see them. Please email me at celiewinnett@hotmail.co.uk. Please. There must be hundreds of them out there.
Love Ugly old celie.